If you’ve read the About Me section (not now, stay here) you know that I’ve been working from home for quite some time. The coming Monday marks my comeback to society and all things civilised like traffic jams and take away lunches. Yes, I am not looking forward to those but you can’t have one without the other. Some thoughts and a few pieces of advice on it all…Ready? Here they are as they come in my head.
The bowel movements (yes, les shit dans la vie)
There is no greater anxiety than your number two in the mornings. I personally like to have breakfast, do my business and have a shower. This way, I’m all set for the day, I have told you before, I feel lighter and I don’t suffer from the anxiety of it’s-gonna-come-when-I-can’t-go. The thing is, there’s only a specific amount of time to do everything, before you catch your ride to the city centre. Luckily, we have two toilets but only one shower, so it’s gonna be a race for sure. Cause (sorry baby) once he is out of the shower, he dresses up in three seconds and he’s ready to go. But all girls out there know that you cannot shower with make-up on, so the only way is for me to go in first to buy some time which also means I have to get my number two out of the way sooner…you see the chain reaction there? I’ll leave it to that and report back next weekend when I’ll probably be staying in to try all sorts of herbal pills and teas for combating my newly acquired constipation.
It’s true that once you start a job with regular income, you end up spending it all on things you otherwise wouldn’t. Crazy I know but very real. I have already spent a salary plus more on new clothes and shoes and what have you before I even step foot at an office. It’s an investment they say, it’s your uniform blah blah….I don’t know…if it’s that normal why do I set the courier delivery for days I know I’m alone and then I take the boxes to the recycling bin before he gets home? Don’t worry, he’s not reading this, we lost him at constipation. Anyway, I say go for it, buy what boosts your self-esteem, celebrate yourself, decorate yourself but make sure there’s a return policy cause maybe you watched too much Selling Sunset (here we go again) and that pair of heels will never make it out the door. Be realistic. Not all boots are made for walking.
It was so beautiful eating at home, taking a nap, eating again (that’s a different article). But! The time has come to take out my hipster bamboo food containers, prepare my salads (shut up) the night before, pack my cutlery and my reusable straw. Accessories are the best part of working at an office. Yes, like, never mind the people and the productivity and all that jazz. Who cares about anything else when you have your lunch utensils, the matching napkin, your coffee mug, the bento box you bought from a trip abroad and so on…the list is endless! These are the things responsible for extra Insta likes, for showing how organised you are, environment-friendly, a young fresh professional, so cool! And don’t get me started at the desk paraphernalia cause I’m under the wrong heading and it’s gonna look messy.
The rookie mistakes
You set foot at an environment where everyone knows each other already. You are the new kid and of course, you want to be liked. No. Every professional knows, the first six months you observe, you choose, and then you decide who is gonna be your work-friend. See? I didn’t say friend, I said work-friend which means they’re eligible for a run to the coffee shop with you or a lending of a fork. Maybe an invite to your wedding if over two hundred people (he is not reading this, If we haven’t lost him on constipation we definitely lost him on Selling Sunset.) Anyway, advice to all, don’t involve too much emotion at the office. Especially if there are a lot of women, too many menstrual cycles and designer shoes. Keep it cool, happy but with limits. That’s all my wisdom right there for you, for free.
And by siesta (and is not a word to start a sentence, but I’m the boss here) I mean the free days that are soon to be long gone when you have lunch and don’t need to work after 3pm so you put a film on, or a series (marathon) till you fall asleep and at 6pm you wake up to have coffee and think about dinner. Such music to my ears. It’s Friday today, I will soon prepare lunch and have my final siesta. All things need a closure, naps are precious so of course I’m gonna say farewell in the most special way, on my favourite sheets, with my favourite series on. I will look back on these days with love but also with the certainty they could not last for ever.
If you reached the end of this article you’re either on your number two, or you are starting an ‘adult work schedule’ on Monday as well. Either way, or any other way, I wish you have a lovely day, stay true to yourself, don’t get too comfortable, keep chasing your dreams even if you ‘locked’ a steady income. Steadiness should only be about bowel movement, the rest have to keep you active and excited otherwise feel free to flush them down the toilet at this very moment. Alright, alright, alright! Wish me luck! Muah!
Here’s a realistic desk space image cause all offices have iMacs and rocket salad in their potty pencil cases. Anyway, you had me at the yellow mug so thank you Georgie for the caption.